Imagine a life without extremes.
It’s neither hot nor cold. The water doesn’t scorch your tongue, or freeze your brain. It’s just water. It’s neither wet nor dry. The rain doesn’t flood your home and carry your couch along with it, and the sun doesn’t turn your lawn brown. It’s just weather. It’s neither loud nor soft. You don’t have to stop breathing just to make out the words being said, and you don’t have to plug your ears to block out the noise being made. It’s just sound. It’s neither famous nor obscure. It’s not a hipster blog with 10,000 over followers, and it’s not a personal blog with only 1. It’s just a blog on tumblr.
It’s not your best friend and it’s not your enemy. It’s not anyone that makes you melt, or drives you insane. It’s just another face in the crowd. It’s not a number that you’ve put on speed dial, and it’s not a number that you’ve blocked from your phone. It’s just a bunch of digits in your phonebook.
The in-between is not the cute guy in your algebra class that makes you smile with handwritten notes during lessons. Neither is it the only boy in your life that can make you cry yourself to sleep every single night. It’s not the first person you think of in the day and it’s not the last. Not someone that makes your heart flutter, not someone that make your fists clench.
People don’t seem to notice anything unless it’s something extremely good, or extremely bad. Anything in-between, is just…there.
The in-between is a place. And it’s where I’m at.
It’s no longer a schoolgirl crush. I’m no longer staying up late every night just to text you. And it’s no longer a grudge. I no longer avoid your presence or your phone calls.
And it’s the same with you, isn’t it?
If something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t be the first person you’d tell. I also wouldn’t be the person that you’d deliberately try to hide it from. I’d just be someone that heard about it.
So that’s it then.
No more jealousy, or disgust. I’m way past that. All that's left is feelings. Not hate, not love. Or maybe, it's both.
I no longer have to be with you every second of every day. I’m not pulling myself away, I’m not pushing myself closer. I’m just here. I’ve been to both extremes, from loving you to hating you. But if there’s one place that I’ve always been, it’s here. I’ve always been here. I’m always going to be here. And maybe that’s the problem.
I don’t love you. And I always will.
The in-between is a place. And to me, it’s the worst place to be.
Taken from my personal tumblr.
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